Meeting place for aliens currently working on Planet Earth

Ferrengi Farts · Imperial Diatribe · Astral Arse · Sex Slaves · Bubble Bum · Giggleye Goo · Links · Site Map

"In times of strife, remember your Yackerboom"















~@*, the alien formerly known as (^), joins us again from a soujorn on Bajor, where he was employed as a nose ridge sharpener by the local Lesbian Lodge.  Hoping to do a better job of intergration this time, he has given up eating small children, and painting his private parts with sparkle paint. Notorious for once having played a rock guitar solo without pulling faces or simulating sexual congress with his guitar, or even kissing his sax player, he has confined himself, since his release from prison, to playing the electric cowbell on Lee Marvin recordings.











Long Fatt Dongg, a career tomato plant and devoted Frankie Avalon afficonado, joins us from Melmac, where he worked as a roadie for Gordon Shumway. Being a life form based on plant biology, he has had problems infiltrating humanity, as taking a lunch break by standing in a bucket of horse shit is a bit of a giveaway.  Until he discovered journalism, that is.  Now feels right at home, and nobody even notices when he drops leaves all over the place each autumn.  Like all of his plantkind, he loves a good root every now and again.










Sgub Ynnub hails from the planet Longfellow Serenade, where they worship the Great God Neil Diamond.  This has led them to be treated as social pariahs by the rest of the galaxy, similar to the treatment meted out to the Genocide Generals of the U.S. military. Sgub is thought by many of his people to be the Promised One, Jonathon Livingston Seagull, who has come to lead them to the Pathway To True Neocondom.  Others consider him to be a complete wanker.  Either way, he is a complete shoo-in to be running the PNAC within six months.












Welcome, Freddie Flashlighthead.  Although not realising his ambition to be part of a traffic light team, due to his colourless personality, he has been busy enough playing a little white light in the song 'My Blue Heaven'.  Disguising himself as a headlight on a government stretch limo, he has been able to find out which politician visits which brothel.  His ambition is to attend Bill O'Reilly's funeral.









Sorry, mate, you have no chance passing yourself off amongst the humans.  Originally from Bulamakanka IV, our Phred makes Jerry Fawell seem like a communist.  Must be a real treat at parties.








Copyright (C) 2006-2008 Brian Brett.  All rights reserved.


You are here: Home-Astral Arse

Previous Topic: Imperial Diatribe Next Topic: Sex Slaves