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Imperial Diatribe

Ben Dover

"Asketh not what Yackerboom can do for you, but what you can do for Yackerboom"







Greetings and salutations to Obi-wan War-monger from the planet Pinkorat.  Always good to see one of your kind here.  Been pretty quiet here with only these little pissant, regime changing wars going on.  Now you are here, we know we can look forward to some good old Armageddoning! Loves stuffing scorpions down his trousers whilst listening to Michael Jackson's records played backwards. Must be a lot of laughs at parties.  Hold the world land speed record for fart assisted skateboard at 78.35 km/h.  His recent effort of 83.971 km/h was disallowed as it was deemed to be turd assisted.  Not the first time 'following through' has let him down, although it must be difficult to avoid when your species has 37 to 64 arseholes, depending on the time of day.











Please give a big, inhuman, welcome to Rumsfeldclone the Hutt.  Smart move, giving you the job of infiltrating the Whitehouse, they'll never pick you out amongst all those other slugs.  Not much undermining left to do, I'm afraid, the place has already hit rock bottom.  Perhaps you could put Condoleezalaazaloozaluuzabatguano Ricepudding in a bikini and let her dance on the end of a chain.  Much as she has been doing up until now.





Members are reminded to use caution and tact whilst beaming.  Beaming away some poor human's dick just because he gives you the shits is the hight of bad manners, unless you are under contract to a sex change clinic, and only then after you ask the victim first. Oh, and if a human tells you to stick your head up your arse, it is meant only as an insult and is not to be regarded as a fashion suggestion.  Local rescue squads are overworked as it is, and don't need to be spending most of their time using crowbars in and around intergalactic fundamental orrifi.










Vulcans entering Pon Far!  Please, please, book a motel room BEFORE you start.  Watching a Vulcan give seven years worth in a public park is a little offputting to say the least!





Don't forget that the year 2008 will mark the 50th anniversary of the Purple People Eater's arrival on earth, and the beginning of the present wave of alien infiltration of the human race. Purple himself will be attending the celebrations, although it should be pointed out that he no longer plays rock and roll music through the horn in his head.  Like most rock stars past their use-by date, he has moved into insipid country music, complete with spangled suit and matching toupee.  It is not yet known if the Witch Doctor can make the gig, but the Little Blue Man and Oliver Cool are definite starters.









Copyright (C) 2006-2008 Brian Brett.  All rights reserved.


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